Happy and Sad Tears
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Tomorrow Hugo will take part in his school sports day. It's his second one, but his first since finishing treatment. This upcoming event has brought to head a mix of emotions that I have been feeling for a while.
Finding the Balance
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I started to write this blog post a few weeks ago. I was full of excitement and enthusiasm for the start of the new year. We'd been waiting a long time for this, for our first cancer free calendar year since 2014.
End of Treatment Bubble
It has now been three weeks since Hugo took his last dose of chemotherapy. So what does life on the other side look like?
In many ways it doesn't look very different to life on treatment. There has been medication every day, (although not the yucky chemotherapy or steroid type), the nurse has been twice and the physio has visited Hugo at school. We have all had colds and the worry that Hugo's will develop into something more serious has been there, just like it has been for over 3 years.
Getting my Spark Back
In just a few days Hugo will finish his treatment. A thousand thoughts and feelings have been racing around in my head over the last few weeks. Many of them positive, but some feel negative and selfish. It's difficult to make sense of them all, hard to put them into any kind of order. It feels a little overwhelming, this strange mix of emotions. I am excited, I am so very excited, but I am so many other things too.
The Big Questions
After three years of treatment, I suspect many people are a bit lost with Hugo's illness and treatment. Here are some of the questions I have been asked and a few others that I thought people might want answers to.
Leaving Normality
A couple of months ago, on the way back from a hospital appointment, Hugo asked me what it felt like when I had my bumpy taken out. Bumpy is our name for Hugo's port-a-cath/central line. The little device that sits just under the skin to the side of his chest. It will be removed a few weeks after treatment finishes. I explained that I'd never had one and we chatted for a while about why he does. He seemed content with this, but a couple of days later he asked big brother Henry what it felt like when his bumpy came out. It made me wonder how much Hugo understands of his illness and what 'end of treatment' actually means to him.
Day in the Life - Side Effects
During the early phases of treatment Hugo suffered with many of the side effects synonymous with cancer. His hair fell out, he was sick, tired and pale. He lost weight, his light dimmed and he looked ill. Now, in this final maintenance phase, the side effects are often less obvious, but very much still there.
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